Friday - hopeless

Yep - "4 week challenge" was a poor idea - should be 1 day challenge.

I am angry, frustrated, ashamed and afraid.

I know that my body needs minerals and nutrients to function properly. I know my body needs rest to rejuvenate. I know my body needs excercise to stay strong and feeling good. I know as I get older weight resistance and flexibility is vital to have and maintain. I know my body needs water to help flush toxins and help the cells operate more effeciently.

I know my body was intricately designed. To have three babies naturally and without a stitch, to enjoy nursing them and wonder at these breasts ...
Our bodies are made to live life fully, to have the energy to swing our toes into the clouds, to chase our children for hours in a meadow, to ride bikes or jog to places we need to go, to have our senses lit with passion for our beloved.

I have friends who enjoy the freedom of a healthy body. I see them riding horses in the white shores of distant lands, I see them triumphant and beautiful after traversing a small mountain, I see them succeed in triathelons(sp/!), I see them going out for a night on the town with girlfriends, laughing and enjoying getting all done up, I hear of their love lives and how slow and intimate their men like to run their hands all over their bodies.

I have heard stats that my fat jail of a body is costing 325000 deaths and $93 billion a year just in the US. I know that there is a LONG list of health issues that are directly linked to carrying weight. I know that every ten pounds loses me years of life with my children and grandchildren.

I know that whole foods, unrefined or processed, is what is best for the body. I know there are good fats and bad fats, I know there are good carbs and bad carbs, I know about caloried, carbohydrates, glycemic index, insulin and glucagon hormones...

I enjoy eating a nice salad; biting into a crispy, juicy apple; picking at pomegranite;
I enjoy excercising and the feeling my muscles, the release of serotonin in my body, the sense of well being and empowerment that comes with it.

I don't know why I can't do what I want to do. Addiction, habit ....????

I have to go, but wish I had more time to get empowered from on high, I am not ready to try another day yet.