HAVE YOU EVER LET FEAR HOLD YOU BACK?
Wow. Way too much floating around in this brain of mine tonight!
The last couple days have been the best internally that I have had in a long time. I tend to think that, despite the fear of doing this blog and how silly it probably is, despite the fear of failing once again, its the hope that stepping out in this is giving me.
I have kept a prayer journal/diary for years now, and if you were to look in the one I just started in the end of August you would see my goals quite simple sounding. One is to laugh at least once a day. Today I was blessed with two laughs with the students at the school - and I wasn't having to force it as I have been. It felt so good! (I'd tell you about it - but I think it was those moments when you 'had to be there')
In one of my devotionals last week I read the phrase "Jesus is the author of my laughter" and it really struck me. His joy is suppose to be my strength. I have invited Jesus to be the author of my laughter and I think I am already seeing the 'writing'! :)
I also went to Celebrate Recovery and enjoyed some time with some adults. I realize that I don't know how to be Ruth. Not mom, not wife, not 'teacher' ... just a woman. I think Friday nights will be good on so many fronts. Thank you ladies for our time; and worship team - wow! The harmony and instrumental and spirit - therapeutic!
I did do all my 'goals' yesterday.
Today:
I ran errands instead of walking the dog
Went to CR instead of the treadmill (and I'm just not doing it at 11pm, sorry!)
Ate what I really should not!
BUT I did walk to CR with my three kids and dog - sent two back home with dog and sent one to the kids to help babysit. I felt almost giddy tonight - WEIRD! But good. As my daughter and I left the church it was
a warm, clear night.
My daughter and I, hand in hand skipped and laughed down the driveway and across the street.
Then we ran a ways together - hand in hand and giggled.
Then she held my hand all the way home and she was even giddery (if that is even a word!) then me!
She was so enthusiastic about the person who played the drums while she played the piano and how special it made her feel,
about the beautiful stars and our earth,
about God and how wise He is to give us lessons
about how we wouldn't know light without dark, or happiness without sadness...
It was like a dream ... another gift from my Abba!
So, tomorrow is DAY 1 (28) OF THE 1ST 4 WEEK CHALLENGE!
I am a little apprehensive and fearful - but I refuse!! NO!!
FAITH AND FEAR CANNOT COEXIST!
I will take each day, hour, moment as it comes, and lean on, trust in and rely on my Creator for all I need and desire.
"Take my life and let it be, consecrated Lord to Thee..."
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13 years ago
Ruth "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control." 2 Timothy 1: 7 (Amplified Bible) You and I NEED to remember this as we start our new phase in our journey. Change is not easy, as we heard last night at CR, but it can be beneficial.
ReplyDeleteYou will be in my thoughts and prayers as you begin this new walk of faith (NOT fear). My choice was to do 4 twelve week phases, but a twelve week phase is only three of your four week ones. So, we will walk a slightly different path in our effort to achieve our goals, but we can be there for each other. I will be there for you and I DO believe in you! We will become what God designed, and desired, us to be (before the devil, life, whatever, sidetracked us) but it will take time and effort to do it! We can do it not because of who we are, but because of who He is - working in and through everyday of life!
I love you as a sister and I believe in you! Judi