Final day of awful week - entitling this one "Crap and Glue"

I really wanted to be totally focused on my children and the added reasons they give me to battle my issues. I suppose tonight they are the glue.

You need to know up front that I am not in a good place right now. My highlight all evening was a 30 second conversation between two strangers and myself in a grocery line. Last night all 3 of my kids (and dog) were up with things that required my time, I am sure I saw every hour. Needless to say, starting the night already feeling tired, I am wonky today.

I ate crap, I feel like crap and now my thoughts are crap.

At times like this I remind myself of the research that my sister shared about how most divorces occur when the kids are entering, or are in, their teen years - right when they need the unity and stability of a mother and father. Neither my sister or I feel this is coincidence - but a spiritual battle for families.

Hence my kids being glue tonight.

Honesty hurts ... but here is today:

• 3 caramels and 1/2 cup of oatmeal with B sugar
• coffee
• a chocolate bar, 2 granola bars, more coffee
• I WALKED TUCKER (it's icy out there!)
• chips and chocolate chips
• I went on the TREADMILL for 20 minutes (with great effort!).
• I had salad and corn, and I did have a little of the scalloped potatoes and ham.
• chocolate bar
• plan to eat whatever the ** I want tonight...

I erased all the other details ...

Last night when I was on the treadmill I started to listen to Dr. Caroline Leaf's DVDs again - "Who Switched Off My Brain". I need to guard my thoughts. Part of me wants to delete all this and start again - but honesty is needed - I don't want to veneer over my life - I'd rather have solid oak.

A new co-worker surprised me with a wonderful card and note and gift this morning. I made everyone laugh. My kids did a great job on the chores I set out for them to do today.

And as I type out the positive things, as I try to get over the negative Aura, I hear more tense voices floating down the stairs.

J.O.Y. = Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last. ... Having children teaches you to self sacrifice. ( I wonder then what having a husband does!? ;D)

They say you hurt the people closest to you - not if you choose to love them. I did actions to love tonight during my anger, and did not do it with the best attitude. Now I need to maintain my settled state - put a smile on my face - and go enjoy some cuddle time with my kids as they finish their movie. I had an awful day and need some 'glue' time before I finally allow my hurting and tired eyes to close on this day ...

Tomorrow? Weigh in will be bad - but thank God -

His mercies are new every morning!