Validation

Validation can go a long way in communication.

When we sense and know that the other person understands where we are at, that they care enough to pause and consider our point of view, we are much more apt to listen to what they have to say.


I could give examples galore of personal and shared situations where just a little validation defused a possible 'incident'.

I want to also say that validation is not the acceptance of all behavior and raising spoiled children, as some seem to think. It is showing enough respect for a person to take the time to empathize with their feelings. Then you are free to perhaps help that person into a healthier frame of mind.

What does a parent do, however, when their child finally shares how they are feeling and you are at a complete loss to understand it. I found myself in that situation about 9 months ago, and it continues.

Currently, each of my children feel that the others are the favorites - and in so - feel unloved. I can validate some of the reasons, but other's are so ... well, I'm feeling at a complete loss. And without being able to understand, really, where they are, how do I get there to help them back home to my love?

There is a selfishness in this too, that I CAN validate, in that I too have experienced similar thoughts and emotions. Yet I tend to jump on it to irradicate it. Selfish, negative thoughts will destroy anyone's life. It is SO true that our success is 10% of what happens to us, and 90% of our attitude about it.

So I guess there are two parts to my current struggle as a parent.
My ability to validate (eg. 'you never do anything with me' - yet I've begged and pleaded to do mulitple things, and asked for ideas of what they'd like to do - and get turned down steady!), and
My desire and passion to train up my children and their minds to always choose the 'higher road', the better perspective, the great attitude... because if they can learn that ability I believe that they will succeed at whatever they choose to pursue, and in any relationship they choose to build. (selfishness exuded, whining self-pity parties, continual negative perspectives and words ... and after 'validating', trying to discuss others options of view, or reaffirming positive words over them - being told that I 'don't get it' or 'just forget it' ... its hard not to fear them becoming those people who seem happiest to just be miserable)

Can YOU validate ME in any of this? ;P (lol)