Body struggle

I slept in this morning and probably shouldn't be taking the time to write. However my stress and frustration over my body is spiking.

I was doing better, I was seeing a bit of progress, I was even on the treadmill again. Over the long weekend we just had, I discussed with the kids, and planned a new chore list that I knew would require my time for the first few weeks through training and enforcing; as well as a new school night rule. Then 3 nights ago I allowed stress of an 'incident' to get to me - food and sleep wise. For the last two days I have really fought to take control. I have done pretty good all day, but evening hits, and even though I know I should just focus on getting to bed at a decent time, I end up eating the very things I should not - then the sugar in the food (I am assuming) gives me a boost of energy and I end up staying up late again!

I received the first of the Fitness magazines my sis-in-law gave me for Christmas last night. My eldest started throwing hints out there regarding mom excercising more, this morning I found myself getting very defensive.

When I sense myself getting defensive I know immediately that there is something within myself that I need to deal with. Not only is my weight a sensitive topic, so is my ability to parent. I have the selfish desire to be the center of my children's life, to be the one that they turn to for wisdom, mentorship, leadership, fun, love, etc. I recall when Samantha was only about 4, she had gone to my friend's home to play with her daughter. When I brought her home she fought and bawled at the door that she didn't want me, she wanted 'aunty'... I eventually gave up trying to win her over and sat at the door and cried with her.
I saw then that I needed to let go and simply thank God for the people He would bring into my life that would bless my kids with things I could not provide. Some times are harder then others.

I NEED to get control and demonstrate success in the area of my body's weight - for my Sam's respect, for Christine's hope, and for Dylan's example.
I desire to succeed to glorify God in my body, to have the confidence to do what is in my heart to do, to give my man a bit more of a body that he deserves to have and to hold, to extend my life and have it more abundantly.

I have had my oats this morning, and a coffee. I have packed home made chicken soup, an apple and a banana for lunch. I plan a corn chip 'taco' salad for supper. I plan to get on the treadmill. And all the while maintain the chores, homework, rules, ...

and love and laugh with my children.