Shadows and Substance

First,a little side note. Pastor Rod recently typed two notes on his blog this week - favor of God and making decisions - funny considering the conversations in our home regarding Roger's business, finances, what we see ourselves doing, where we want to be/go... things that make you go 'hmm'!

Colossians 2:17 resignated within my spirit today.
"...which are a shadow of things to come, but the substance is of Christ."
Ever try to catch your shadow?
Shadows can be fun to play with, chasing, making look silly, making all sorts of hand shadow animals...
Shadows can be beautiful silhouettes, or detailing in a photo or painting...

You can, if the subject holds still, even touch a shadow.

But can you hold a shadow? Can the shadow exist without the substance?

There are many 'types' and 'shadows' in scriptures. They are fascinating as one ponders the details of God's masterpiece, they are intellectually and philisophically stimulating, but one must be careful not to get so caught up with the shadow that he forgets the substance by which the shadow exists.

There are plenty of counterfeits of the real and true.

Living With One Another

Well, I am 0-5 pounds heavier then when I first began this blog, managed to 'stay stat' this month. Another failure for my glial cells in my mind to gobble up - if only I wouldn't think of it and allow this memory to be a 'flappy tree branch' in my mind.


I could go on with reasons, etc., of why I continue to fail in eating right enough and exercising enough to lose weight - but if you look back over these I have already done that.


So lets start new .... again ... thank God for His promise that His mercies are new every morning!


My anxiety and stress feel very high lately due to children and marital things, I ponder writing it out here, but am not ready to articulate most of it to anyone but my Jesus quite yet. Besides, at this point I'd talk in circles I'm sure.


I made a covenant with my husband before God and witnesses and intend to honor it with my whole being. God is doing a work in both of us, and in my children as well, so why not let the Master Artist finish what He started.


Love - giving of oneself completely and utterly with no expectations of reciprication...

Oh boy, I feel I'm about to take off on a rant! Oh well, who really reads this anyway!

I think that most of the problems in a marriage arise because we are more concerned about our own rights and feelings, and because we are quicker to assume the negative rather then the the positive of the other.

One example comes from about a decade ago in my own marriage. My husband continually gave reasons why I couldn't go see my mom or friend - vehicle too old and unreliable, vehicle newer but needs new tires, doesn't want it miled up, no money for gas, too busy to come rescue me if something should happen - one could look and think that he was power hungry and controlling. It was hard for me not to see it that way - especially in light of all the other 'stuff' going on in our marriage during this same time.

Then two things happened.

One friend commented that my husband is a mechanically minded man and that is how he is showing his love for me. He hadn't learned yet how to meet my emotional needs.

Then another called me, upset. She had plans to travel from Fort Mac to Saskatchewan in the winter with two small kids. The morning she was to leave everything seemed to go wrong, and when she finally got the kids and luggage,etc. packed into the van, she realized she had a flat tire. She called her husband exasperated and asked if he had not seen the flat tire - he casually commented that, yes, he had but didn't think anything of it because he was confident she was capable of taking care of it!

We did laugh near the end of that conversation because here I am wanting a little more faith from my husband and she is wanting a little more 'masculine tending to'.

So I can see the actions of my husband, see the look on his face, hear the tone in his voice

and choose to believe he's this-or-that-negative-labelled-thing

- or I can choose to believe he loves me, his intentions are not to hurt me, and try to simply deal with the actual issue at hand.

We've all misread body language, we've all said something and realized it came out a lot differently then we intended - often because of other things going on other then the situation at hand. If I "REACT" to something I perceive as negative it is guaranteed to quickly elevate to something ugly. But if I hold my tongue and only "RESPOND" when I know I am being constructive and speaking out of love, then something tender and sore can much more quickly and easily be healed.

A quiet answer turns away much wrath.

Refreshed and Renewed

Today I set aside my long to do list and went with new friends to go down hill skiing.

The visit to and from was very uplifting, encouraging and solidifing of some things within me.

Like one purifying gold, refining silver, or molding clay -

my Creator does the same with me.

He heats up the temperature to bring the crud to the surface so it can be skimmed off,

He ensures the temperature is not to hot, nor too cold, and refines me till I reflect Him;

and He is continually molding me into the vessel I am destined to be.

I believe that what He is dealing with right now is what/who holds the first love within my being - hence my emotional outburst here this morning.

We make life so difficult. All we need to do is be willing for our Creator to be the potter of our lives. To hear His Voice and obey it. And to love one another with brotherly love, esteeming each other higher then ourselves.

The skiing experience was very intense emotionally - but its late and I don't know that I want to get into that part of it - all I will say for now is that my one daughter and I pushed through and I ended the time thoroughly enjoying some tranquil down hill skiing - and can't wait to go again ... hopefully WITH my children.

Oh, but the day did not end on that note...

We got home later then anticipated, rushed supper, then I dropped one daughter off at the movies with a friend and my son and I went to the prayer meeting. What a great way to get regrounded!

So I will end this entry with saying I am SO thankful for God's great mercy, grace and patience; His promises and for finishing every good work He starts... :)

Spirit of Heaviness

I should have been writing daily - you could have gone on a wild ride of emotions and watched me 'game' for the upper hand ...

today ... has nothing to do with the challenge or improving ...

I have always sincerely believed that I can love people while not accepting actions or beliefs. But I am weak and my compassion and my 'ability to see it from their perspective' - what I always thought was my strength - is proving to be a very difficult journey.
The truth of my heart's desire and belief is to love God with all my heart, soul and mind - and by doing so His perfect love will flow through me to all those around me and I will walk in the Spirit.
The truth of my actions and mind however is that my love for my friends and my desire to have them know 'I get it' and my desire for acceptance is more powerful in my life then my love for God is.
So what do I do?
I did something this morning that I still wonder about - but I do it because of my weakness.

You hear of people going through marriage break ups and how the wife will seem more concerned for her lover's feelings then the husband that she betrayed. I sort of sense that perhaps that is what I am doing today regarding Jesus.

Everytime I turn around lately the Word, or others in my path, speak about 'coming out', being seperate, driving out ... being in the world but not of it ... and particular things come to mind in my life. Things in my life that negatively affect my walk with Jesus. They intrigue me, satisfy my fleshly mind, motivate me (as funny as that may sound) to be a better, stronger person.
One cannot walk the fence for long, to live well one must live daily by their true convictions.

I propose another analogy. There is this man, he is very handsome, he's smart, funny, sincere, loving, caring, motivated, true, ... you find yourself drawn to him and just thinking of him brings 'positive' emotions and thoughts. But this man not only disrespects your husband and lover - the one who provides for you, protects you, and has made great sacrifices in his love for you - but this man also quite hates your husband and everything he says is detestable to this man. By breaking bonds with this man will only drive home to him, all the more, how much he hates your husband - and yet you long for him to know your husband as you do. You can't have both. The man says he wants you to stay true to your husband and doesn't understand why there is a problem - love all and simply hold different perspectives. Yet you know this friendship draws you away from your love for your husband and that he is hurting and longing for you to look at him like you do this man.
Is the right thing not to cut yourself off and abandon yourself to loving your husband?

It's easy to sit on the outside and know the right thing to do - but when you love the other man it muddles the waters.

I am heavy hearted.
My Husband says to me put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness - so, for this day, I have chosen to take a step to chose to love Him and will be aware throughout my day to embrace a garment of praise.

Do you ever feel alone?

Be anxious for nothing

As a believer in Christ I should be a beacon of hope and light; but the truth is that I allow the carnal world to infiltrate my mind too much.

I have struggled with a cloud of fear over me, and I know it has no real standing. The encyclopedia says:
"Fear should be distinguished from the related emotional state of anxiety, which typically occurs without any external threat. Additionally, fear is related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance, whereas anxiety is the result of threats which are perceived to be uncontrollable or unavoidable. Worth noting is that fear always relates to future events, such as worsening of a situation, or continuation of a situation that is unacceptable."
The anxiety I sense comes from within and not from external circumstances, and from the wrong belief that I am out of control.
The fear I sense comes from the foreboding of my body worsening - the weight, the effects of hormonal imbalance - or simply of the unacceptable situation continuing on.


It is difficult knowing your emotions and physical actions are not right, and feeling helpless to change them. I often day dream of going off to some boot camp for 6 months and getting myself on the right track. To feel imprisoned by your own self is a tad unnerving.


Paul understood these things...
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
(2Cor.2:8-10)


Again in Romans 7 we see Paul's struggle to do as his spirit willed, he concluded in verse 24-25:
O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the body of this death? I THANK GOD THROUGH JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD...


Paul gave very clear direction through the Holy Spirit in Romans 12:1-2
Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.


He specifically addresses anxiety in Phil.4:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Heavenly Father, I come humbly before Your throne with thankfulness for Jesus and the position You have granted me through faith. May I never lose sight of how great You are - Creator of all, Master Crafter and Designer. You aren't simply some higher being - but You are the One True God, ... and yet You still know me and love me! I believe that Your Word is true and that You are faithful. So I believe that if I confess to You , You are faithful to forgive me. I confess that my desire to be beautiful in the world's eyes consumes my thoughts more then You. I confess that I have allowed my appetite and flesh to rule the eternal within me. I confess that I have been walking in fear and anxiety rather then faith and hope. I have sat here at the computer, avoiding going upstairs for fear of eating the wrong thing even on the first day of commitment to change. Please forgive me, hear the cry of my heart and break down the barrier between my mind and heart, that I may walk out what I believe. I thank You for an amazing husband who has loved me unconditionally and demonstrated it clearly. I would request that You continue to cause him to have a blind eye to my faults and that I would find favor in his sight. I would also ask Father, that You teach me how to accept and receive his love, and Yours! I desire for my body to be glorifing to You, to be that living sacrifice, to be a vessel that is healthy, strong, confident, and at ready for Your use. Please help me by giving me clarity of mind, awareness of what I am putting to my lips, energy to get back on the treadmill, and an ability to be consistent. Thank You for the times of clarity and hope and peace that You have given me. Thank You for Your patience and enduring love. And Jesus, may Your Holy Spirit speak clearly to me as I endeavour now, knowing that physically, the first few days are always the hardest, to break from the hold of empty carbs.

In Your name Jesus I pray, Amen.

Encourage one another

I cannot do this on my own, so if you receive a phone call I pray you will be readied by the Holy Spirit, and that I in turn may also be given a word of encouragement for you...


We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up...
(Rom.15:1-2)


Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
(Phil.2:3-4)

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
(Rom.12:10)

But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today...
(Heb.3:13a)

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
(Heb. 10:24)

The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.
Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be?
But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body,
every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.
If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.
The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body,
but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.
If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.
(Rom.12:12-27)