WE HAVE THIS MOMENT

This was mentioned earlier as a song we often sang around the piano and has become something like our family theme song.
I do this in saying good-bye to November, and almost another year.

Hold tight to the sound of the music of living,

Happy songs from the laughter of children at play;

Hold my hand as we run through the sweet fragrant meadows,

Making mem'ries of what was today.

(me with one of our many puppies)

Chorus:

We have this moment

to hold in our hands and to touch

as it slips through our fingers like sand;

Yesterday's gone

and tomorrow may never come,

But we have this moment today.

(my sister Becca and me)

Tiny voice that I hear is my little girl calling,

For Daddy to hear just what she has to say;

And my little son running there by the hillside,

May never be quite like today.

(my brother David and me)

Tender words, gentle touch and a good cup of coffee,

And someone who loves me and wants me to stay;

Hold them near while they're here and don't wait for tomorrow,
To look back and wish for today.

(my brother Ben and me)

Take the blue of the sky and the green of the forest,

And the gold and the brown of the freshly mown hay;

Add the pale shades of spring and the circus of autumn,

And weave you a lovely today.

*Gaithers*

(my three children - Dylan, Christine and Samantha)

Time is slipping through my finger like sand!

Friday - hopeless

Yep - "4 week challenge" was a poor idea - should be 1 day challenge.

I am angry, frustrated, ashamed and afraid.

I know that my body needs minerals and nutrients to function properly. I know my body needs rest to rejuvenate. I know my body needs excercise to stay strong and feeling good. I know as I get older weight resistance and flexibility is vital to have and maintain. I know my body needs water to help flush toxins and help the cells operate more effeciently.

I know my body was intricately designed. To have three babies naturally and without a stitch, to enjoy nursing them and wonder at these breasts ...
Our bodies are made to live life fully, to have the energy to swing our toes into the clouds, to chase our children for hours in a meadow, to ride bikes or jog to places we need to go, to have our senses lit with passion for our beloved.

I have friends who enjoy the freedom of a healthy body. I see them riding horses in the white shores of distant lands, I see them triumphant and beautiful after traversing a small mountain, I see them succeed in triathelons(sp/!), I see them going out for a night on the town with girlfriends, laughing and enjoying getting all done up, I hear of their love lives and how slow and intimate their men like to run their hands all over their bodies.

I have heard stats that my fat jail of a body is costing 325000 deaths and $93 billion a year just in the US. I know that there is a LONG list of health issues that are directly linked to carrying weight. I know that every ten pounds loses me years of life with my children and grandchildren.

I know that whole foods, unrefined or processed, is what is best for the body. I know there are good fats and bad fats, I know there are good carbs and bad carbs, I know about caloried, carbohydrates, glycemic index, insulin and glucagon hormones...

I enjoy eating a nice salad; biting into a crispy, juicy apple; picking at pomegranite;
I enjoy excercising and the feeling my muscles, the release of serotonin in my body, the sense of well being and empowerment that comes with it.

I don't know why I can't do what I want to do. Addiction, habit ....????

I have to go, but wish I had more time to get empowered from on high, I am not ready to try another day yet.

note on Wednesday...

Not a good day.
Can't remember for sure what all I ate...
I think I only had coffee in the morning
I had an orange at school
came home and had some of my turkey soup
- but then I had a piece of toast!!
While fixing supper I nibbled on everything
I had salt and pepper BBQ chicken and salad
I had a chocolate bar when up town
I had 1/2 a pomegranite near bed time

I just had another piece of toast this morning!
What am I thinking!!????
I feel anxiety attacks - or what I assume is - over the most minor stuff and then I feel even more stupid for letting stuff get to me.

So I am starting Thursday ready to quit the blog, and with a lot of emotional baggage...
I think my cycle is done, I hope I find some balance today...

Off I go ....

Today was a failure. Reset? I wish!