Choose

I am same weight today. Official weigh in number for week 3 is 0.

LOVE. I plead with you, my reader, to refer to my aunt's blog (lettersofhope - found at the bottom of my blog), as she does a wonderful job explaining what true love is ... and today I may reread her blog a couple times, as, in all honesty, I am not walking in it.


Max Lucado wrote a book entitled "When God Whispers Your Name", I am going to quote chapter 11, entitled "The Choice" (- if I am enfringing upon copyrights, please contact me.)

It's quiet. It's early. My coffee is hot. The sky is still black. The world is still asleep. The day is coming.
In a few moments the day will arrive. It will roar down the track with the rising of the sun. The stillness of the dawn will be exchanged for the noise of the day. The calm of solitude will be replaced by the pounding pace of the human race. The refuge of the ealy morning will be invaded by decisions to be made and deadlines to be met.
For the next twelve hours I will be exposed to the day's demands. It is now that I must make a choice. Because of Calvary, I'm free to choose. And so I choose.

I choose love...
No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.

I choose joy...
I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical ... the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less that human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.

I choose peace...
I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.

I choose patience...
I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.

I choose kindness...
I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.

I choose goodness...
I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.

I choose faithfulness...
Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My wife will not question my love. And my children will never fear that their father will not come home.

I choose gentleness...
Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.

I choose self-control ...
I am a spiritual being. After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will rot, rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self-control.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek His grace. And then, when this day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest.

Heavenly Father, forgive me for not loving the way You love; forgive me for not abiding in You - like the apple tree illustration You gave me. Thank You for Mr. Lucado, my Aunty Eulene, my sister and all the others You've put in my life to help me and love me - to be Your hands and mouthpiece in my life. I ask for a special blessing on them. Lord Jesus, I pray that You teach me how to surrender my body - truly - to You. I am "crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live, yet not me, but Christ lives in me. The life which I now live , I live by faith in the Son of God, Who loved me and gave Himself for me." (Gla.2:20) Therefore, I urge myself, in the view of God's mercy, to offer my body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to You, which is my REASONABLE service. I will no longer be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of my mind... (Rom.12:1) It is not by my might, nor by my power, but by the power of Your Holy Spirit. I invite You afresh and surrender today into Your capable hands. For You are able to do exceedingly abundantly above what I could ask or think! And You are able to keep me from falling. I lift my marriage and family to You, may we be bond together with the Chord that cannot be broken. Teach me to love the way You love me! In Your name Jesus, Amen.

Final day of awful week - entitling this one "Crap and Glue"

I really wanted to be totally focused on my children and the added reasons they give me to battle my issues. I suppose tonight they are the glue.

You need to know up front that I am not in a good place right now. My highlight all evening was a 30 second conversation between two strangers and myself in a grocery line. Last night all 3 of my kids (and dog) were up with things that required my time, I am sure I saw every hour. Needless to say, starting the night already feeling tired, I am wonky today.

I ate crap, I feel like crap and now my thoughts are crap.

At times like this I remind myself of the research that my sister shared about how most divorces occur when the kids are entering, or are in, their teen years - right when they need the unity and stability of a mother and father. Neither my sister or I feel this is coincidence - but a spiritual battle for families.

Hence my kids being glue tonight.

Honesty hurts ... but here is today:

• 3 caramels and 1/2 cup of oatmeal with B sugar
• coffee
• a chocolate bar, 2 granola bars, more coffee
• I WALKED TUCKER (it's icy out there!)
• chips and chocolate chips
• I went on the TREADMILL for 20 minutes (with great effort!).
• I had salad and corn, and I did have a little of the scalloped potatoes and ham.
• chocolate bar
• plan to eat whatever the ** I want tonight...

I erased all the other details ...

Last night when I was on the treadmill I started to listen to Dr. Caroline Leaf's DVDs again - "Who Switched Off My Brain". I need to guard my thoughts. Part of me wants to delete all this and start again - but honesty is needed - I don't want to veneer over my life - I'd rather have solid oak.

A new co-worker surprised me with a wonderful card and note and gift this morning. I made everyone laugh. My kids did a great job on the chores I set out for them to do today.

And as I type out the positive things, as I try to get over the negative Aura, I hear more tense voices floating down the stairs.

J.O.Y. = Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last. ... Having children teaches you to self sacrifice. ( I wonder then what having a husband does!? ;D)

They say you hurt the people closest to you - not if you choose to love them. I did actions to love tonight during my anger, and did not do it with the best attitude. Now I need to maintain my settled state - put a smile on my face - and go enjoy some cuddle time with my kids as they finish their movie. I had an awful day and need some 'glue' time before I finally allow my hurting and tired eyes to close on this day ...

Tomorrow? Weigh in will be bad - but thank God -

His mercies are new every morning!

For My Children - No Easy Way Out

(Photos courtesy of Shalene Dawn Photography)

"There will be a time when there will be no slamming of doors,

no toys on the stairs,

no childhood quarrels,

no fingerprints on the wall paper,

Then may I look back with joy and not regret.

There will be a time to concentrate on service outside my home

On visiting the sick, the bereaved, the discouraged, the untaught.

To give myself to the 'least of these'.

There will be a time to look back and know that these years of motherhood were not wasted.

I pray there will be a time to see him* an upright and honest man*,

Loving God and serving all.

God give me the wisdom to see that today is my day with my children.

That there is no unimportant moment in their lives.

May I know that no career is so precious

No other work so rewarding

No other task so urgent

May I not defer it nor neglect it

But by Thy Spirit accept it gladly, joyously and by Thy grace realize

That the time is short and my time is now,

For children won't wait!"

Last part of Helen M. Young's poem - "Children Won't Wait"

This poem doesn't have a lot to do with my entry - but I have to start these next several days with this poem.

4pm

I had a rough night last night. I got home and actually took the bread out of the fridge, felt the soft grain in my hand ... and put it back. Don't be too quick to give a pat on my back! I haven't gone on the treadmill in ... 5 days now? I haven't eaten very healthy. And quite frankly, feel foolish for having this blog. Although I do appreciate the encouraging notes Judy, thank you. Anyway, I put the bread away and rushed down here to write on the blog. It snowed today, so while the computer booted up I started a fire, and wondered what to write. When I am tired and I reach for energy in the form of food, I am taking the easy way out.

I had a relatively easy time with my pregnancies and birthing my children. Nothing was planned, I didn't have meds, I didn't have a stitch, nursing went smoothly ... the biggest complaint would have been when my son's collar bone got caught on my right hip (still gives me grief). But I think its human nature that we seek out the easiest, fastest ways. I wonder if I would have persevered through the pain if I had had an option in birth - yet here, on the other side - I wouldn't change it for the world! I have a sense of pride and accomplishment.

Our society perpetuates following the instant and easy way. But what is lost with that? We expect too much from others, we demand what we want when we want it, we are lazy and self centered, with no concept of work, integrity or longevity. (*"we" referring to our general North American society)[Ok, this could turn into a tangent way too easily, so I best leave it there!]

So perhaps I need to look at becoming physically healthy like labor!? It's *@! hard, but the outcome will be well worth the effort?

Therefore, I commit to you, here and now, that I will go walk Tucker in the cold and wet (even feeling cold, under the weather, and tired ... am I getting sympathy points? :) ), and I will go on the Treadmill - whether I am able to push it or not.

I will not take the easy way out.

7:45pm

I forgot to let you know what I ate today:

• 1/2 cup oats with B sugar, 2 coffee
• 1 apple, 1 banana, 2 granola bars, 1 jujube and 1 mini, diabetic dark chocolate
• 2 pork chops, a little bit of potatoe and carrots, ice tea

I HAVE walked TUCKER - and it was a good pace. Invigorating, but my ears still hurt a bit...brrr!

I am about to get on treadmill for 20 minutes ... I am sure it will be invigorating, ... just as sure that doing this infront of this hot wood stove isn't the brightest idea! Sweat if off girl!! ;D