WE HAVE THIS MOMENT

This was mentioned earlier as a song we often sang around the piano and has become something like our family theme song.
I do this in saying good-bye to November, and almost another year.

Hold tight to the sound of the music of living,

Happy songs from the laughter of children at play;

Hold my hand as we run through the sweet fragrant meadows,

Making mem'ries of what was today.

(me with one of our many puppies)

Chorus:

We have this moment

to hold in our hands and to touch

as it slips through our fingers like sand;

Yesterday's gone

and tomorrow may never come,

But we have this moment today.

(my sister Becca and me)

Tiny voice that I hear is my little girl calling,

For Daddy to hear just what she has to say;

And my little son running there by the hillside,

May never be quite like today.

(my brother David and me)

Tender words, gentle touch and a good cup of coffee,

And someone who loves me and wants me to stay;

Hold them near while they're here and don't wait for tomorrow,
To look back and wish for today.

(my brother Ben and me)

Take the blue of the sky and the green of the forest,

And the gold and the brown of the freshly mown hay;

Add the pale shades of spring and the circus of autumn,

And weave you a lovely today.

*Gaithers*

(my three children - Dylan, Christine and Samantha)

Time is slipping through my finger like sand!

Friday - hopeless

Yep - "4 week challenge" was a poor idea - should be 1 day challenge.

I am angry, frustrated, ashamed and afraid.

I know that my body needs minerals and nutrients to function properly. I know my body needs rest to rejuvenate. I know my body needs excercise to stay strong and feeling good. I know as I get older weight resistance and flexibility is vital to have and maintain. I know my body needs water to help flush toxins and help the cells operate more effeciently.

I know my body was intricately designed. To have three babies naturally and without a stitch, to enjoy nursing them and wonder at these breasts ...
Our bodies are made to live life fully, to have the energy to swing our toes into the clouds, to chase our children for hours in a meadow, to ride bikes or jog to places we need to go, to have our senses lit with passion for our beloved.

I have friends who enjoy the freedom of a healthy body. I see them riding horses in the white shores of distant lands, I see them triumphant and beautiful after traversing a small mountain, I see them succeed in triathelons(sp/!), I see them going out for a night on the town with girlfriends, laughing and enjoying getting all done up, I hear of their love lives and how slow and intimate their men like to run their hands all over their bodies.

I have heard stats that my fat jail of a body is costing 325000 deaths and $93 billion a year just in the US. I know that there is a LONG list of health issues that are directly linked to carrying weight. I know that every ten pounds loses me years of life with my children and grandchildren.

I know that whole foods, unrefined or processed, is what is best for the body. I know there are good fats and bad fats, I know there are good carbs and bad carbs, I know about caloried, carbohydrates, glycemic index, insulin and glucagon hormones...

I enjoy eating a nice salad; biting into a crispy, juicy apple; picking at pomegranite;
I enjoy excercising and the feeling my muscles, the release of serotonin in my body, the sense of well being and empowerment that comes with it.

I don't know why I can't do what I want to do. Addiction, habit ....????

I have to go, but wish I had more time to get empowered from on high, I am not ready to try another day yet.

note on Wednesday...

Not a good day.
Can't remember for sure what all I ate...
I think I only had coffee in the morning
I had an orange at school
came home and had some of my turkey soup
- but then I had a piece of toast!!
While fixing supper I nibbled on everything
I had salt and pepper BBQ chicken and salad
I had a chocolate bar when up town
I had 1/2 a pomegranite near bed time

I just had another piece of toast this morning!
What am I thinking!!????
I feel anxiety attacks - or what I assume is - over the most minor stuff and then I feel even more stupid for letting stuff get to me.

So I am starting Thursday ready to quit the blog, and with a lot of emotional baggage...
I think my cycle is done, I hope I find some balance today...

Off I go ....

Today was a failure. Reset? I wish!

"Foreword" into Wednesday

A phrase still lingering from Sunday is "misdirected hunger".
Rodney spoke of it concerning our spiritual state. If our soul is hungry and we do not feed it, it will seek out a 'filling' with whatever presents itself, or by turning back to what we use to have.
It is very easy to apply to an emotional eater, rather then exploring healthy expressions and solutions we turn back to what we know
- coming back to habits. As I spoke of in earlier blogs, all our life is made of habits - we get to choose whether they are helpful or harmful ones.

I am beginning to read Dr. Ray Stand's book "Healthy for Life". In the Foreword Myron Wentz makes a great point about our perspectives on things. He comments that his perspective on the word 'cell' is much different then prison inmates would have. They would think of incarceration, and he would think of creation.
"Our cells are undergoing debilitating damage as a result of foods which continually spike our blood sugar at every meal."

I am inspired to succeed - for my children. "We need to be mentors and role models teaching our children the importance of good nutrition which support optimal cell growth, promotes proper cell functioning, and minimizes cellular damage from free radicals and othe stressors."

Years ago I desired to become a R.N.P. (Registered Nutrional Practitioner) ... I can see opening a family center. It would be a place for mom's could come and know their kids are welcome while they get much needed encouragement around a cup of tea. There would be a healthy food bar and a community board for information on local consultants in such businesses as Nutrilite, Usana, Norwex, etc. In the back people could come see a masseuse, chiropractor, a doctor that supports natural health and a counsellor (maybe one that is a RNP?! :) ) I would encourage locals to come and have open mike nights for music, poetry, and helpful health tips that don't cost a thing! I would want to keep the business running with high integrity, family centered morals, and love for our fellow man. I had even drawn floor plans! lol
Yikes! That was a speel!

I really like the last paragraph, I will close with the last half.
"Good health habits are choices that we make,
and should not be chances we take.
Scientists cannot invent new minutes
and the rich cannot buy more hours.
Guard your health with utmost security
and attention,
every day of your life.
Learn to love, share and enjoy a life free from pain and suffering."

Tuesday's journal - date day with husband

Today was the first day I booked off to go hunting with my husband. I got the kids off to school, dropped the rentals off at the college and once we got our stuff together we set off.


It was wonderful. We took a drive and then walked about 2 miles in the bush - 1 mile in down hill and 1 mile out up hill :) . Sadly due to the heat and the wind we didn't see any big game. But we did see a lot of 'sign'. I enjoyed watching two chickadees not three feet from me, saw a raven soaring, and heard three squirrels chattering at us. I know they are pesty if they are near your home, but I love squirrels - their chatter always makes me laugh, they are such funny little critters.
It was nice to just walk in the quiet of the woods.
We then went for drive, saw nothing, but talked.
Our day continued with lunch, some window shopping, and picking up the kids from school.


I had had a coffee, then an orange and some walnuts in the truck after our walk.
I had oatmeal and an apple and some brown sugar for lunch.
For supper I had a porkchop and salad.
I did have a little taste of Dylan's popcorn and some peanut butter.


After we picked up the kids, Roger and I looked at vehicles, we drove home and I went to pick up my eldest from the school (she stayed for the 'running club'). Then I walked Tucker, fixed supper ...


But in the afternoon tensions started to build. I have some issues and don't know how to deal with them. At dinner, seeing one of my daughters obviously upset (and maybe due to my own hormones) I went and opened my mouth and hurt/offended my husband.

So as enjoyable as it was to get lost in the beat and quiet of playing bells this evening - I was there with a heavy heart. Not the ending of a date day with my husband that I envisioned.

Monday's journal

Morning:
banana, small palm of walnuts, 2 coffee

a.m. school:
waited till tummy grumbled again and had
mandarin orange and another coffee
forgot to give Christine her needle

lunch time - my week to let dogs out:
a small container of left over taco veggies and meat, let dogs out, switched laundry, got meat out for supper, gave Christine her needle late and dealt with her feeling sick, and was 5 minutes late for work.

p.m. school:
(felt that some coworkers were displeased with me)
I had to finish school fundraiser stuff, was feeling peeked(sp?) so I did have about 10 jellybeans at the school.

after school:
got home about 4pm - put roast in oven, switched laundry and took Tucker for his walk, went further today
I had the same experience on my walk today as I did in Canadian Tire, without the stilt walking - dizzy, light headed, and feeling very disorientated - I was glad Tucker was in a hurry to get home because his tugging helped me walk home.
I thought I would lie down when I got home but had to run up town for a few things, took Dylan with me. FOUGHT buying chocolate, and then argued with son regarding buying chocolate because he wanted it as bad as I - I bought gum instead.

Supper time:
I had some walnuts while fixing dinner - feeling quite flustered as it was already 6pm and feeling the need for a break.
Fixed roast, potatoes, tomatoes and cucumbers for family, fixed a chicken stirfry with curry for myself - which I also shared with family.

After supper:
While cleaning up supper I did have a bit of the roast
While fixing lunches I did have a maple cookie
I then helped with homework till 9ish - during which time I did cave and have a bowl of Quesidilla chips with the kids at the table.
Then I switched laundry again, vacuumed, swept floor,
Tucked in 3 kids, gave Christine her needle;
emptied and reloaded dishwasher again,
sat down in the living room just after 10pm.
Roger said I could go to bed, that he'd be there soon.
I quickly jotted down what I had eaten and went to bed.
Dylan was up 3 times ... it is now 7:10am, and I am again running behind and have felt rushed to just log in - never mind spend time with my Creator!

But today - Tuesday - is my day for hunting with Roger :)
I have to get the kids up and gone, take the food trays back to the college, and get back home so we can start our date... I hope he's in the mood for some satellite worship - cause I could really use some!

NEW START Mon.Nov.23

Yesterday my pastor spoke about trusting God daily, using Exodus 16 he demonstrated the truth's that we can

-trust God for our daily needs

-that we can't spiritually live on old manna

-that morning by morning we should be looking to Jesus

He also threw in an illustration that my sister would like, as one of her "Adventure" writings is based on this illustration. He commented on his little dog Joey and how he will gulp down ridiculous sized pieces of meat without even chewing or tasting it. Of course, I can't tell it like he did, but he also shared how disappointed HE is when Joey does that. Yet we do the same with God. He gives us something to chew on, to taste and enjoy, that should last the day - but we just take it like a big pill and go about our business.

In my sister's writings she gives the illustration as though one has been invited to a banquet. Some feel they are unworthy and don't even show up. Some show up but just daintily play with the food, feeling guilty and maybe even a bit put out on the lavish display of plenty. Some quietly sit, thankful, enjoying others eat, but not believing it is meant for them to enjoy either. Some will bring a microscope and science pocket lab to disect the food and figure out just what it is so they can explain the very molecular make up of it - but never actually taste it. Some come and gorge themselves, not taking a moment to enjoy it, nor thank the King for it.

Jesus want us to come to Him 'morning by morning', to sit in His presence with a thankful heart, know we are loved. To taste and see that He is good! To chew and meditate on what He has provided. To relax and allow it to digest, trusting it will meet our needs.

This is a song I grew up singing, adapted from the Psalms:

Give ear to my words, oh Lord,

Consider my meditations

Hearken unto the voice of my cry

My King and My God

Oh Lord in the morning

will I direct my prayer

unto thee and will look up.

PS. Yesterday I ate oatmeal with apple and cinnamon and a coffee for breakfast. I had a veggie stirfry with a bit of turkey for lunch. I made pork tortilla's for the family and I joined them - but used a plate of lettuce instead of a tortilla and made it into a salad. I had 1/2 a pomagrant for a snack - and I did eat one maple cookie while fixing lunches. For excercise I only walked Tucker - for about 30 minutes.

A decent start for a fresh start today...

I wish I had more time to now sit quietly and sits at my King's table, but my eldest is pointing out that I'm about 20 minutes late getting the younger ones up ... Thank you Jesus that You walk with me and I pray that throughout the day, moment by moment, I will turn to You for my needs... and desires. Amen!

Butterfly

In my Aunt's blog(link at bottom of page) "Letter's of Hope" you will find just as the title suggests - hope :) . My love of butterflies comes from her home, and from listening to her and my mom talk about metamorphosis. I am borrowing just a little from her blog dating back to September 2007.

The reason I love Butterflies is that I love what Butterflies represent. The saga of a Butterfly has always fascinated me
and, since I found that the word, metamorphosis, comes from a Greek word that describes MY saga as well, I was more than fascinated; I was captivated! The fact that a tiny, often ugly, earth-bound, limited, caterpillar could ever become the beautiful air-borne butterfly that we all love to watch, is almost beyond comprehension. I’ve tried to imagine what changes must take place inside that hard, dead chrysalis hanging from the branch. It is inconceivable that it could contain anything living, and that such enormous changes could be happening inside. Yet, in due time, that exquisite creature emerges, dries its new-formed wings, and flutters away into the blue yonder!

This transformation is described as “metamorphosis” from
the Greek. It is used four times in the New Testament. Both
Matthew and Mark use it to describe the transfiguration of Jesus when His appearance was changed in the company of Peter, James and John on the mount.

Paul, writing to the Church at Rome, admonished them to “be not fashioned according to this age, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind…” (Rom. 12:2)

This is the verse that captivates me: “Now WE
ALL with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are CHANGED – TRANSFORMED – into the same image from glory into glory even as by the Spirit of the Lord.” “WE ALL” includes YOU! And ME! As we behold God’s glory, in whatever form it is presented to us, it changes us.
(2 Cor. 3:18)

Charles Wesley put it well in this verse from his
well-known hymn, Love Divine:-
Finish then Thy new creation, pure and spotless let us be; Let us see Thy great salvation perfectly restored in Thee. Changed from glory into glory, till in heav’n we take our place, Till we cast our crowns before Thee, lost in wonder, love and praise.

She has much more on her site that will encourage and delight your soul, I'm sure!

Fri/Sat/Sun - Chrysalis prepping!

Friday and Saturday will be totally taken up by school fundraiser - the Harvest Supper.

Then Roger is home Sunday after working for 2 weeks 200 miles north of Fort Mac ...

Photos thanks to school project of grade 1-6 taking caterpillars, watching them attach to clothe, watching the chrysalis grow, watching the butterfly emerge and releasing them ... with Miss Pettifer in spring of 08 (I think).

Still Thurs! Some proof

A 'discussion' recently took place on line and I really appreciated my brother's articulate and gracious giftings!

Between the verse on the trinity, and this, I am sensing an excitement for God's Word that I have been missing for quite some time.

Throughout history people believed things merely on faith. Now we live in a society that questions everything and wants proof. God, in His grace, has provided!

Here is just a LITTLE to wet your taste buds...

Where the Bible speaks on scientific subjects, it is accurate centuries ahead of its time. ("None of These Diseases"by S.I. McMillen, M.D)

• circumcise on day 8 - Deut. 17:12 - K2 not produced in normal amount till 5-7th day; prothrombin, for clotting, is highest on day 8 of your entire life.


• In the eighteenth century in Europe human excrement was cast into the streets and had epidemics such as typhoid, cholera and dysentery. In Deut. 23:12-13 God gave clear instructions to have a place away from their dwelling, and even for the men to carry 'paddles' with their weapons so they could dig a hole for it and then cover it again.


• In Isaiah 40:22 it speaks of the earth being round(circle) and not flat


• In Eccle. 1:7 it talks about the currents in the sea


• Job 26:7 says God hung the earth on nothing, and the scientists were amazed when they targeted their fancy telescopes true north - because they found nothing to look at.


• 1 Cor. 11:8 tells us that the woman is of the man - the sex of a child depends on the father's sperm entirely


• And findings like this at http://www.arkdiscovery.com/ Chariot Wheels Found in the Sea at Nuweiba!
  


• Above, chariot wheels fixed to axels standing at attention on the seabed.
  
  Above, left, photo taken of a gilded chariot wheel that remains on the sea floor. It was found by Ron Wyatt using a molecular frequency generator from his boat above, after he set the equipment to search for gold. The Bible said all the chariots of Egypt and 600 choice chariots, or gold veneered models, were in the army pursuing God's people. It is speculated there were 20,000 chariots destroyed that day. Above, right, is a drawing of a four spoke chariot found in an Egyptian tomb from the same time period. Four, six and eight spoke wheels are found here in the gulf, and were only used at the same time during the 18th dynasty or 1446 BC when the exodus took place.
  There are numerous chariot wheels, plus human and horse bones at the crossing site. Above on right, is a human femur bone that is covered by coral, and was tested at Stockholm University. It is from the right leg of a man 165-170cm tall. It is basically mineralized by resting in the Red Sea for such a long time.

Above is a coral covered chariot wheel on a vertical axel that is buried in the sand. Although this is atypical, a diver found this within 10 minutes of searching at Nuweiba
Above is a horse's hoof that is shrunken since drying out. Horses are not found in theSinai Peninsula today

Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a "fool" so that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight. As it is written: "He catches the wise in their craftiness"; and again, "The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are futile."

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.

Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm.

He said:
"Who is this that darkens my
counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man;

I will question you, and you shall answer me.

Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?

Tell me, if you understand.

Who marked off its dimensions?

Surely you know!

Who stretched a measuring line across it? ...

Can you bind the beautiful Pleiades?

Can you loose the cords of Orion?

Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons

or lead out the Bear with its cubs?

Do you know the laws of the heavens?

Can you set up God's dominion over the earth?

Prov.3:13 Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding.

Prov.3:19 The LORD by wisdom hath founded the earth; by understanding hath he established the heavens.

Psalm 104:24 O LORD, how manifold are thy works! in wisdom hast thou made them all: the earth is full of thy riches.

Rom.11:33 O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!

1Cor.2:5 That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

May we be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that we may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that we may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

May we not be deceived by fine-sounding arguments...

so then, just as we received Jesus as Lord, let us continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as we were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

See to it that no one takes us captive through vain and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition, ritual, and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.

For in Christ all the fullness of the Godhead lives in bodily form, and we have been given the fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority...

May we be granted the Spirit of wisdom and revelation and may we have the eyes of our heart enlightened. May He strengthen us with power through His Spirit in our inner being, so that Christ may dwell in our hearts through faith. May we, being rooted and grounded in love, have power with the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep the love of God is... and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that we may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we could ask or imagine - to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever, Amen.

(Col.2, Eph. 1 and 3)

Thurs.Nov.19-Trinity

I asked a co-worker, who use to be a Muslim, for some time to discuss the Trinity, and how he came to believe when he had be raised Muslim and risked so much to believe. Another co-worker overheard us and last night she commented on some scripture that really helped her. It was Isaiah 9:6, but allow me to share a tad more.


Romans 1:20 says "For ever since the creation of the world His invisible nature and attributes, that is, His eternal power and divinity, have been made intelligible and clearly discernible in and through the things that have been made..."

The King James says, "For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:"


John 1:1 says, "In the beginning (before all time) was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God Himself. He was present originally with God. All things were made and came into existence through Him; and without Him was not even one thing made that has come into being."


So look at creation...
Water: One substance that has three elements and comes in three forms
Blood: One substance made of three distinct parts
Humans: One body containing three parts - body, soul, spirit
...

Now look at Isaiah 9:6

"For to us a child is born,

to us a Son is given,

and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called

Wonderful Counselor,

Mighty God,

Everlasting Father,

Prince of Peace."

*Mighty Counselor: John 14:16,26; 15:26 - Jesus refers to the Holy Spirit as the Counselor.

So here in one verse we see all three titles of Father, Son and Holy Spirit given to 'a child born'; which is accepted and proven emphatically to be referring to Jesus, the Christ.

I understand why people can overhear conversations regarding the trinity and think we are blaspheming because there is only one God ... but the trinity doesn't say there are three gods, it demonstrates the attributes and the Godhead of the One True God.

Thanks Sandy for sharing Is.9:6 with me - funny how you can hear a verse multiple times, and then a fresh revelation occurs!

I thank God for His patience, grace and mercy on me, the doubts I fight, and the continual intellectual and emotional questionings.

Nick Vujicic: Life Without Limbs

A man walking the talk... I love that he says hope is not finding someone that - in your opinion- has it worse then you - .... watch the video to hear it from him!

Nick Vujicic: Life Without Limbs

Wed.Nov.18 'food for thought'

Food for thought gleaned from David Peck's writing in the recent World Vision "Child View" paper.

"What is important is that each of us begins to trust in our own beauty and our capacity to do beautiful things ... When we begin to believe that there is greater joy in working with and for others, rather than just for ourselves, then our society will truly become a place of celebration."
-Jean Vanier-
"The individual choices we make in every moment of every day are pregnant with incarnate significance and meaning. It is awe-inspiring to consider that a simple act can have a major impact on social and human change."
-David Peck-

Tues.Nov.17

Went to the city for an orthodontic appointment and once again throughly enjoyed the sunset and sunrise - as I hit both on what has become my favorite hill and dream of building a home there...

Met with my mom and cousin for lunch - LOVE them! -
bought some Usana products and was given some reading.

-Got home later then I wanted to and felt bad that my other two kids had to walk home.
-Walked Tucker
-Made homemade pizza with lots of peppers and broccoli hidden under the cheese - I will be swelled from the wheat and dairy - but I am focusing on relaxing right now and taking a deep breath.

-Plan to reorder progesterone tomorrow - and hope it comes VERY soon :)
-Will start watching the dvd and listening to cd cousin gave me,
-Will write out menu plans for a couple weeks,
-Will once again try dragging my butt out of bed early enough for the treadmill!

My reading of choice this morning was the book we are to read for our staff meetings "Teaching to Change Lives", here is one short sample:

"Your task as a communicator is not to impress people, but to impact them."

"If teaching were only telling, my children would be incredibly brilliant..." ;D

The book takes
"Practice makes Perfect" to
"Well-guided practice makes permanent"

"Experience is the best teacher" to
"Properly evaluated experience is the best teacher" and

"We learn by doing" to
"We learn by doing the right things"

I was reminded of:
The importance of practicing the right thing,
properly evaluating my experiences,
and to continue to work on actually DOING the knowledge I have in my head.

Pause

I was recently reminded how trivial my 'issues' are - not that I needed reminding!

I'm taking time this week to get myself on my feet again, as I said earlier ... get up once more, dust the hurt off ...

I will start my next 'challenge' on Monday (instead of Saturday), Nov.23rd.

I admit, I am battling fear of even trying again.

In Between Details

"I am pondering who I am

and who I want to be

and the space in between."

I wrote this on my Facebook status and realize that is the best way to describe the 'place' I am in.

What Has BLOGGING Done For You?

Blogging has shown me a couple things.

ONE:

I am a 'big picture' kind of girl. Dr. Caroline Leaf talks about how we aren't right or left brained - but rather, to think correctly, we use both, insync with each.
One side tends to go from big picture to little picture - understanding that 4 is two groups of two, or looking at the picture of a puzzle before laying the next piece.
The other side tends to go from little picture to big - understanding that 2x2=4, or looking at the shape and specific colors on a piece of puzzle and seeing where it fits into the big picture.
In order to think well, retain knowledge, and be able to use it well, one has to think in synergy with each side. When you understand that 4 is 2 groups of 2 AND that 2x2=4 - then you have understanding.
Well, we do tend to lean to one or the other and I am a big picture kind of girl.


If I were an accountant I would prefer a table of paper legends to a computer screen with a segment at a time.
I love planning year plans for school and have to do my day plans within segments of themes or units or it drives me crazy.
I don't feel my home is clean even after cleaning it because the WHOLE home isn't completely done.
And my blog. I wish there were a way of keeping just the best and most inspirational at the forefront, I wish I could see the whole picture.
When it comes to losing weight, I can see myself slender and beautiful. I can see myself couselling others. I can see a 'pro-bono' job for my boobs ;) lol. But seeing me in the "in between" stages is difficult. Even if I had lost my 16 pounds over the last two challenges, I would still be officially obese, I would still be in the midst of the fight. Don't take me wrong - I'm not saying that it's ok that I didn't stay on task! But this revelation, to a new height, is helping me to see where I should spend some time working on.

TWO:
Blogging has helped me live in the day a little more. I can't highlight the best parts and have you only see those. I can't show you the whole picture of who I am, nor can I show you the end result. Is my time spent on here worth it in the big picture?
I avoid writing when I don't feel I can inspire - you or me! But maybe living is learning to savor those bad times too. Without them we wouldn't appreciate the good times.
Growing up we use to gather around the piano and sing a lot. One song in particular became our family theme song, the course goes:

"We have this moment

to hold in our hands and to touch,

as it slips through our fingers like sand.

Yesterday's gone

and tomorrow may never come,

but we have this moment today."

(We Have This Moment - by the Gaithers)

My dad and I were in tears the last time we tried singing it. How my hearts yearns for those days again, and how it aches that my own children don't know "family" like I do. But I am digressing!

So taking one day at a time, and seeing the value in the little pieces of my life, these are things blogging has amplified for me.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven..." (Ecc.3:1)

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." (Ecc.3:11)

"When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future." (Ecc.7:14)

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has trouble of its own."(Matt.6:34)

For the Girls

After writing this I went to log out of Facebook and saw an invite from a dear friend who lost her 14 year old daughter to suicide. Join us this Friday, Nov. 13 - To Write Love On Her Arm day...

Where have we gone wrong?
Fourteen year old beauties ending their lives,
cutting themselves,
thinking they are worthless and ugly,
and believing living in a fantasy world of vampires is better then reality.

I know my own body image only helps to compound the problem. How do I reach them Father? Watching me daughter's facebook breaks my heart - yet I don't want to make a move that will lay more between us. I have accepted her honesty about where she is, now how do I lead her out.
People say that teens are like this and to just relax and let them be who they are ... but thats not true. Suicide, promiscuity, drug abuse, self abuse ... these aren't normal traits of an individual finding their identity. They are signs of hurt, pain, rejection - real or not - its real enough to them.

On my knees I throw myself

In tears I cry out in desperation

You love them more then I

I know that much is true

Speak to me through Your Spirit

Use me in their life

Hold them, love them, and open their eyes.

O Lord You have searched them and know them.

You know when they sit and when they rise.

You understand their thoughts afar off.

You sift and search their paths and their lying down,

and are acquainted with all their ways.

There is not a word on their tongue

- but behold Lord, You know it altogether.

You have shut them in,

before and behind

and have laid Your hand on them.

Your infinite knowledge is too wonderful for them,

it is high about them and they cannot reach it.

Where could they go from Your presence?

Where could they flee from Your Presence?

If they ascend to heaven You are there.

If they make their bed in Hell, behold, You are there.

If they take wings of the morning

and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

Even there will Your hand lead them

and Your right hand hold them.

If they say "Surely the darkness will cover me and night will be the only light about me,"

Even the darkness hides nothing from You,

but the night shines as the day and

the darkness and light are both the same to You.

For You did form their inward parts;

You did knit them together in their mother's womb.

They will give You praise with me

for we are fearfully and wonderfully made

and for the awful wonder of our births!

Wonderful are Your works,

that that their soul will know right well.

Their frame was not hid from You

when they were being formed in secret

and intricately and curiously wrought

as if embroidered with various colors

in the depths of the earth

- a region of darkenss and mystery.

Your eyes saw their unformed substance

and in Your book all the days of their lives were written

before ever they took shape,

when as yet there were none of them.

How precious are Your thoughts to them O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

If we could count them, they would be more in number than the sand. When we awoke, could we count to the end, we would still be with You.

...Search us thoroughly O God, and know our hearts!
Try us and know our thoughts!
And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in us,
and lead us in the way everlasting.

If we confess with our mouths Jesus is Lord,
And believe in our hearts the God raised Him from the dead,
we will be saved.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful to forgive us our sins
and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

When your mother or father forsake you
the Lord will take you in!

God is not mocked,
what you sow you reap.

Set Me Free

It hasn't always been this way

I remember brighter days

before the dark ones came

stole my mind

rapped my soul in chains

Now I live among the dead

Fighting voices in my head

Hoping someone hears me

crying in the night

and carries me away

Set me free

of the chains holding me

Is anybody out there hearing me?

Set me free.

Morning breaks another day

finds me crying in the rain

all alone with my demons I am

Who is this man that comes my way

the dark ones shriek

they scream his name

Is this the one they say will set the captives free

Jesus rescue me!

As the God man passes by

He looks straight through my eyes

the darkness cannot hide

Do you wanna be free?

Lift your chains, I hold the key

All power on Heaven and earth belong to me

you are free

You are free.

(Casting Crowns - Set Me Free)

The End

The end of the second '4 week challenge' ... what a joke.

I had it hit me that if I had stuck to things I know to be true that I would be 16 pounds lighter ... instead I am the same size and depressed.
Throw in no money for my daughter's birthday, the busyness of this time of year, the guilt for wanting to get rid of most of the STUFF we have for Christmas - mixed with a warm fire within when I day dream of it, ...

I am stuck - afraid to press on - afraid not to.
There's that fear thing again.

I know women that are very thin have their own issues
- but at least they can still dress it up.
I know we are each created to be unique
- but thats hard to accept when it is something you can change about yourself.
I know addicts (of all sorts) have their issues
- but at least if they are clean for a day they can dress, look in the mirror, and like what they see.

Yep, its basically the end of the second challenge.
And no, I'm not quitting.
I hope to plan a menu plan and stick to it.
I really enjoy walking Tucker after school and I think that is something I can keep up - but the treadmill is another story.
I will aim to TRY to do it in the mornings.

In my humility and shame

I have no one to blame

I sit in a prison of my own making

Its my own life its taking

I'm sorry for the envy my friend

Jealousy has an ugly end

I long for others to see me

And to be all that I know I can be

We say inner beauty is what counts

but disillusion is all that mounts

...

God may look at my heart

But man looks at the outer part.

We don't like to admit it

But if the shoe fits...

...

I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made

But my faults have made the beauty to fade.

I can't forget the past and press on, as says Paul

With it attached for all to see, it would take some serious gall!

But I live by faith in grace

perhaps its not too late to save face

...

So I will get up once more

Dust the hurt off and step through the door

...

I wish I could write ... write truth, ending in inspiration ...

God reads mail!

I had to let out a giggle - check out pastor Rod's blog today - "The Potential in a Seed". :) Link at bottom of page!

I have to stop trying to articulate what's on my mind
... time is one of those things I need to be a steward of ...

• and carry on to complete the letter and cd for a young girl who is cutting and heading down a dangerous path;
• carry on completing my "Messenger" paper to hopefully help bring unity to the body of Christ in Slave Lake;
• to pray about the time and money spent in the Christian school in relation to the impact it makes in our world;
• to pray about the family center I have dreamed about opening for years, vrs. a teaching career vrs. a no brainer job;
• to pray for the friends God has on my heart
• to spend time working on the school fundraiser
• to go and make doctor appointments for my kids, do the shopping I promised we'd do,
• and try to actually spend time loving on them!

And in it all
- abide in Christ
- dying to my selfish ways
- and trusting that there is potential in my seed(s)
... perhaps its not arrogant to think that it's that very potential that causes me to feel so 'thwarted on every side.'

Can you follow my thoughts??!

I do not believe that denominations and all the doctrines are God made. The bride and body of Christ is not a bunch of disjointed, arguing people! My questioning from yesterday's blog came from a clip of an angry Jew I saw regarding the 'ignorant evangelical Christian' and attacked the trinity. I agree with him, majority of Christian's tend to be and behave ignorantly. It's a harsh truth that religion has killed a lot of faith! It was the attack on the trinity that I struggled with. That is a harsh confession.


I believe there is only one God. My analogy to help my intellect out is water. Water is water - but made of 3 elements - H2O. Water also comes in 3 forms - liquid, vapor and ice. So God is One, with 3 'elements'.

Regardless, ... Jesus is my sacrificial Lamb that redeems me and purchases my life, so whether certain scriptures make me scratch my head I continue to stand hid in Him.


Now this all leads to what is really on my mind today.
Walking the talk.
The term "Christian" is suppose to mean a disciple of Christ. We are to be Christ like. And I don't see Jesus caring about career, prestige or wealth. I can hear a couple people I dearly love, looking up and rolling their eyes, say 'here comes the poverty mentality'. I know that God blesses people. And I know that without something to give we can't bless others. I know He is a God of multiplication and I truly believe He has led people into wealth. The tricky part comes to when we ask why He's blessed you and is it really yours.

I believe everything we have, even our breath, is simply a gift that we are to be good stewards of. Yes, God said in Genesis to rule over the earth - but He didn't say to rape and pillage it.


Where am I going with this?
The kids and I caught a documentary on TV entitled
"Flow: For Love of Water ... with Irena Salina".
I know shows like this and ones like
"The Inconvenient Truth"
are ridiculously common knowledge to some of my friends
- but they still put a fire in my belly.
And if you haven't seen them I would strongly encourage you to.


We just don't get it. We live in our little sheltered world. Completely ignorant of the fact that by simply being able to read, having a roof over our head, clothes on our back and clean water to drink, puts us in the top 8% of the world's population! That doesn't include TV's, cars, fancy homes or education, etc. by the way!

Today the slave trade, sex trade, genocides, murders(of even the unborn) and rapes(of even babies) ... never mind the destruction of nature and animals ... all run rampid.
Evil happens when good people do nothing.
And sadly, we don't seem to until its on our own front door.

It's Remembrance Day this week.
What are we doing with the freedom we have?


I know I have started to make changes, but not nearly enough, nor nearly fast enough! Part of it is that I am ignorant. We are coming to, what I believe is the end of, the information age - yet we are the most ignorant of generations who don't know how to think, and think that by reading or hearing clips we now know it all.

The love of money is the root of all evil, so a major way of making a change as a Canadian is to boycott the corporations that hurt others. I am told that I should boycott Shell, bottled water, things made in China, Coca-Cola and Pepsi, etc.

Well, first of all, its like vaccinations, there are many side to the stories and can I believe anything I read or hear any more!?
And second, my son pointed out last night that the apple juice I bought is a product fo Coca-Cola!

It all becomes confusing and we give up and go about living our sheltered lives.

But people are dying.
Our earth and amazing creatures are in pain...

... makes me think of this passage:

"The creation waits in eager expectation ... we know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only it, but we ourselves, .... groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for... redemption."

I think it is time to ' lay every hindrance aside that so easily entangles us, and run the race marked out for us.'

Abba Father, lead us in a plain path and speak clearly to us, guiding us in the purpose and destiny You have for us. May I be a good steward with all You have blessed me with, and may I invest and spend it all wisely. I want to help make changes, yet am feeling disillusioned as to how to do so. Yet You know all, and I look to You for guidance. May I hear You and have courage to follow You. In the authority You've blessed me with, the name of Jesus the Christ, I pray, Amen.

In Christ Alone

I should read my 'creed' more often.
I am often reminded of Romans 14:5 and 23 - that anything done without faith is sin, and that we each need to be fully convinced in our own mind.

Some people seem to beable to go through life so easily believing things, without a question or worry. I tend to question everything, making the above verses a hard read and reality.

I recently was challenged about some fundamental truths I have always stood on. God, in His grace, is helping me to come back to truth. But I hate how easily and quickly I become swayed.
I long to walk in Truth, we are to study to show ourselves approved, I do not want to be deceived or believe what is easiest - due to upbringing nor environment. I once, in prayer, saw myself like a sea bouy... anchored to the rock, but still being tossed to and fro with every wind. My prayer ever since is that my Creator will poor cement down my chain!

In our intellect and reasoning ... our soul ... one could come up with some good things to stand on ..."they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law, since they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness..." (Rom 2:14,15). Yet I have learned that by simple 'perspective' humans can justify pretty much anything. We need a 'plumbline' to stay accurate. Its a harsh reality that we have to be taught to do good and not evil. And even when we do good, majority of the time it is still for the selfish reasons of how it makes us feel or look.

I very much prefer to be hid in Christ - my Jesus, my Savior, my best friend, my King.

"No, in all these things (I am) more than conquerors through him who loved (me). For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth,nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate (me) from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus (my) Lord." Rom.8:37-39

I wish I could figure out how to post a song here, instead I will post the lyrics...
"In Christ Alone" by Lieshching and Moore:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6wMB-AWLC4

In Christ alone my hope is found.
He is my Light, my Strength, my song.
This Cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when stivings cease.
My Comforter, my All and All,
HERE IN THE LOVE OF CHRIST I STAND.

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
HERE IN THE DEATH OF CHRIST I LIVE.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
BOUGHT WITH THE PRECIOUS BLOOD OF CHRIST.

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
HERE IN THE POWER OF CHRIST I'LL STAND.

Should rename this blog!

The truth is that I am not at all who I want to be and am beginning to believe I don't have what it takes to change. It's an awful feeling to feel trapped within ... 'no matter where I go , there I am' ... yah, negative ... but where I am
and am battling it out.

What unique quirk does your love have?

The Sun Newspaper use to have the "Love is..." cartoon and my mom has a drawer full of the clippings. My dad is the romantic and he worked away in Fort McMurray since I was in about grade 1. He would come home every other weekend - late on a Friday and leave Sunday afternoon - and then throughout the week mom and I would find these little cartoons hidden throughout the house. I remember the one on the piano the best, I think because it looked so much like my mom and dad when we'd gather around the piano and sing.

When we lived with my folks for 18 months I borrowed come of her clippings to surprise my husband the same way - finding some very applicable ones :)

A big thanks goes out to Kim Grove of New Zealand who originally created these perfect cartoons back in the 1960's!

A little More on vaccinations

My cousin Bee is a USANA consultant and sends me emails regularily. I would like to share it here (... I went to the NVIC site and will be returning to read and listen more. Whatever decision we make, its best to make an informed one that is not based in fear...)

USANA founder, Dr. Myron Wentz, is a world famous Immunologist and Microbiologist. He founded Gull Labs in 1972 where he grew billions of human cells in culture for a couple of decades, infecting them with diseases in order to create diagnostic test kits to detect those diseases. To this day, many of his outstanding products are still being used in hospitals and clinics all over the world. One of his most famous creations was the test kit for the Epstein Barr virus (Mononucleosis) which is also still being used today. Dr. Wentz was recently honoured with the Albert Einstein Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Life Sciences. Any of you who have heard Dr. Wentz speak would know that the human cell is his passion and he has given his entire life to research and development in this area.

The following is a note straight from the scientist, Dr. Wentz. No hype, just facts:

Flu Vaccine
October 26th, 2009
In my most recent post I suggested that anyone who had chosen to or was required to receive a vaccination for the H1N1 swine flu should be sure that they are vaccinated with the nasal mist form rather than the injectable form. The nose is the natural route to vaccinate for a respiratory infection and the nasal mist form of the vaccine is free of mercury-containing thimerosal. I have heard that public health officials in Washington State, as part of their efforts to deal with H1N1 swine flu, have announced that they are suspending their restrictions on how much mercury can be injected into pregnant women or children under three years of age. Washington state law normally limits the amount of mercury that can be in vaccines for pregnant women and children under three. But now they say that for the next six months it’s okay for these patients to be exposed to the higher levels of mercury found in injectable swine flu vaccine. This makes absolutely no sense to me. Why wasn’t this new advice for pregnant women and small children to receive flu vaccinations accompanied by a stipulation that it must be the thimerosal-free nasal mist that is administered, not the injectable vaccine? For that matter, why isn’t the CDC suggesting such a step be taken on a national scale? I’ve heard that the nasal mist form may not be as immunogenic as the injectable vaccine. That is, it doesn’t stimulate as vigorous a response by the immune system. But we are talking about a population group—the unborn and infants—in which the nervous system is still in a critical state of development. All toxics—such as mercury—in the pregnant mother’s body accumulate and are concentrated in the fetus. In addition, developing tissues and organs in the fetus are more susceptible to damage by toxics than the mother. We showed wisdom in limiting the amounts of certain kinds of fish that pregnant women should consume because of the dangers of mercury toxicity for nervous system development in the fetus. Why should we abandon such valuable precautions, especially when an alternative is available? No one has really identified a threshold dose at which mercury can be problematic for tiny fetuses. My opinion is there is no amount of this poison that is acceptable. As Tom Burbacher, a professor of environmental occupational health at the University of Washington told Newsweek magazine, “We still don’t have enough data to say how long . . . mercury stays in the brain, but if you can reduce or eliminate your baby’s exposure, why wouldn’t you do that?” Why, indeed? I am hopeful that after decades of manufacturing vaccines, we finally have the ability to develop vaccines that provide a measurable benefit to offset all the negative effects of injectable vaccines. Today’s mercury-free nasal mist may be the advance we’ve been looking for all these years. Let’s hope. This issue is larger than the current flu epidemic, which will pass within months, and larger than the vaccination controversy, which will go on longer. It’s about the human right to make informed, voluntary health care choices, a right that we must fight for today so our children and grandchildren will have it in the future. A wealth of information on how that right is being threatened, and an insightful spokesperson for how we can defend ourselves can be found here: http://www.nvic.org/default.aspx. Please go to it.
Note: While I personally will not get a flu vaccination, my position on this issue is personal. Each person must make an informed decision for themselves and their family. What is most important is that you obtain the best information on both sides of the issue, rather than following the dictates of the government or special interest groups.
Dr. Myron Wentz
Washington State Department of Health: www.doh.wa.gov/Publicat/2009_news/09-154.htm
Flu Vac Wash 1 10/23/2009

JesusOthersYourself = JOY

"The more man goes out from himself or goes beyond himself, the more the spiritual dimension of his life is deepened, the more he becomes truly man, the more also he grows in likeness to God, who is Spirit. On the other hand, the more he turns inward and encloses himself in self-interest, the less human does he become. This is the strange paradox of spiritual being – that precisely by going out and spending itself, it realises itself.”
John Macquarrie

I 'borrowed' this from Pastor Rod's blog. May my blog only 'look in' to the extent that it is beneficial. May I keep my eyes on Jesus and my service to others.
(is that better and more positive my dear friend! :) )

Friends, Prayer and Diseases

I stepped forward and asked a friend to help me. She graciously accepted and we will talk daily and pray together. We started this morning and I am ever grateful.
Today was a decent day.

Treadmill - only 10 minutes, but it was something
my usual oatmeal breakfast
banana, two mini oranges, oatmeal bar and walnuts
Some apple crisp the girls made for me in their class
carrots, ribs and rice for supper
1 mini chocolate bar and 1 mini pack of gum
walked Tucker VERY quickly :)
Oh! Only 1 coffee and have drank much more water the last couple days - still not as much as I should - but a start.

Not perfect ... but decent.

________________
I found it interesting that a girlfriend commented on the H1N1 on her blog. I happen to agree wholeheartedly with her concerning health, vaccinations, etc. Majority of disease can be avoided or survived by simple hygiene and good health of the body. The difference between us is that her family eats very well and mine does not.

Perhaps that is why my man has asked me to consider the vaccination. Totally threw me for a loop! I vaccinated my first daughter. I seriously questioned it during my second and only half vaccinated her. My son has had nothing. The only reason I would, would be from fear that IF my child were to die from one of those diseases I would be judged as a terrible parent... not a good enough reason considering the risks.

Again - professing themselves wise they became fools.

However, I believe that my man is the head of the house, and God is doing some pretty amazing things in him, and he's not saying we will get the vaccination - but that he wants to discuss these things more and soon. (as he was stepping out the door till tomorrow evening)
So I will consider and pray and discuss.

When my kids were little and I heard of someone with the chicken pox I would ask for a play date with them. By 'protecting' ourselves and making our world so sterile we have actually hurt ourselves. We have bred stronger bugs, we have not excercised our immune systems and we have exposed ourselves to chemicals. We get sick and we take stuff to resist our bodies natural healing tools and fill our bodies with more processed, man-made stuff, that our already taxed bodies need to figure out how to handle.

I know I don't feed my kids well enough - and when I do they don't necessarily follow through - its amazing how they always 'forget' to eat the fruit and veggies in their lunches but remarkably always remember the treats! Treats were at birthdays and Christmas when I grew up - not weekly and even daily! I have tried to simply not buy junk - it seems to always be sabatoged one way or another. I think, especially with all this H1N1 talk, that I will take this on as a new step in my challenges and see what happens.

So this challenge is not only about me and how I look - it is for health and well being for myself and my family. I need to keep this in mind.


"... If thou wilt
diligently hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God,
and wilt do that which is right in his sight,
and wilt give ear to his commandments,
and keep all his statutes,
I will put none of these diseases upon thee,
which I have brought upon the Egyptians:
for I am the LORD that healeth thee. "
Exodus 15:26

Moses was brought up and trained in the Egyptian palace. Yet the commandments given were not with 'Egyptian wisdom'. For example:
-when someone was sick in the tent they were to cover all open vessels - they didn't know about bacteria till 1683 and germs about 1880.
-when someone/thing died, or to use the toilet, they were to be 'outside the camp', to be down stream, and to be 'unclean' for certain amount of days; which involved seperation and a cleansing ritual. Thousands die every day, even today, from dirty water...

So this 'diligently hearkening' wasn't from a power hungry God - but simply from a loving God who knew what was best for them ...
and still for us today.

"Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits:
Who forgiveth all thine iniquities;
who healeth all thy diseases;
Who redeemeth thy life from destruction;
who crowneth thee with lovingkindness
and tender mercies..." Psalm 103:2-4

"Now when the sun was setting, all they that had any sick with divers diseases brought them unto him; and he laid his hands on every one of them, and healed them." Luke 4:40

DILIGENTLY HEARKEN TO THE VOICE OF GOD.
If you have peace and believe God would have you vaccinate your loved ones - then please go ahead and do so - with blessings!
I still do not have peace and look forward to more discussion with my husband.

Faith?

"...I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?..." Rom.7:23-24

I wasn't going to say anything because we aren't to 'let the right hand know what the left hand is doing'. But I attempted a fast today.
I did the treamill for a short 10 minutes.
I had a tiny bit of apple this morning before leaving.
There was a meat/cheese platter brought to work for the staff, I did resist several times, and God even granted me a great deal of quiet time during a test to pray, but I did eat 3 pieces of the meat. They didn't taste good.
On the way home I was pleading for help as I was feeling tired and couldn't seem to get in the right frame of mind. I knew I wasn't physically hungry and I was determined to press on and run a good race.
My man left a bag of open chips on the oven and I had about 5 before getting it put away. I then had some chocolate chips. I thought maybe if I just had a controlled treat that then I could carry on, so I had a small bag of plain chips from my sons candy box.
I was still wanting to eat! So I thought of God's grace and thought perhaps I should look at this like training, have a healthy snack and fast the rest of the evening, so I had a banana and an oatmeal bar.
But then I had three Halloween chocolates!
This all was probably 20 minutes, and certainly not more then 30. I put a roast in the oven and helped my son with a little homework during this time too!
So I grabbed the leash and took Tucker for a walk.
When I got back I tidied the kitchen and did the dishes - pulling myself away from eating something several times!
That's when I came down here to tell whoever reads this.

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Rom.7:15

There are several things stirring in my spirit and in my mind ...

Paul does answer his question:
"Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin." Rom.7:24b-25

But in all honesty, I don't have a handle on that yet.

I understand and 'know' a lot in my head, but it has not translated into heart knowledge. While I had quiet time supervising the test I picked up that devotional book again. One chapter dealt with listening to counsel. I quickly jotted down some of the prayer at the end:
"My patient Father, you know that I sometimes get a burst of spiritual fire - that I often want to blaze into spiritual perfection with one amazing flare. And then I go cold so quickly. I listen to unbelieving voices. And not all of them are 'from without'."
I have many 'inner agonies' that I don't even wish to begin to talk about. Its seems that black ooze continually bubbles from deep within my heart. When I KNOW what I believe in, how does doubt creep in so silently!?

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Heb. 11:6

"...Let everyone be fully convinced in his own mind...
But the man who has doubts (misgivings, an uneasy conscience) about eating, and then eats ... stands condemned before God, because he is not true to his convictions and he does not act from faith. FOR WHATEVER DOES NOT ORIGINATE AND PROCEED FROM FAITH IS SIN." Rom.14:5b,23

"... said with tears, 'Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief!'" Mark 9:24

Our Bodies

Our physical bodies are magnificent machines. You could take one organ or part and study all your life with amazement.

Ps.139:13 – 17 “ For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you."

I remember a story of a girl who continually complained about the size of her thighs, driving her boyfriend very mad. She finally understood and stopped complaining when she met his mom - who wheeled out in a wheel chair - paralyzed from the waist down.
I am sure you have also heard of the man who complained because he had no shoes, until he met a man with no feet.
We take for granted all the members of our body - yet God designed it all so that we don't have to think about all the millions of functions happening, we can just get about living.

Our bodies need rest, water, nutrition (minerals, vitamins[though it seems that if we have the minerals our body will produce the vitamins - see previous blog!]proteins, fats...) and excercise. If we take care of our bodies they function extremely well, and have the ability to heal and protect.

I am thankful for my body. For my eye sight, hearing, 4 working appendages, relatively healthy (especially considering my weight), have had three kids without a stitch, was able to breast feed and enjoy doing it, am able to chop wood, cross country ski, go for walks...etc.

I started a blog - and have failed to take up the challenge. God is renewing within me a burning desire to offer my body to Him, to bring into subjection and leadership of the Holy Spirit. I have tried and fallen many time, and have felt bruised and scared to get up and try again... but by His grace and His strength I will.

Proverbs 23:1-3 "When you sit to dine with a ruler, note well what is before you, and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony. Do not crave his delicacies,for that food is deceptive."

1Cor.6:12 "Everything is permissible for me—but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me—but I will not be mastered by anything."

1Cor. 9:24-27 "Do you not know that in a race all the runners compete, but [only] one receives the prize? So run [your race] that you may lay hold [of the prize] and make it yours.
Now every athlete who goes into training conducts himself temperately and restricts himself in all things.
They do it to win a wreath that will soon wither, but we [do it to receive a crown of eternal blessedness] that cannot wither.
Therefore I do not run uncertainly (without definite aim). I do not box like one beating the air and striking without an adversary.
But [like a boxer] I buffet my body [handle it roughly, discipline it by hardships] and subdue it, for fear that after proclaiming to others the Gospel and things pertaining to it, I myself should become unfit [not stand the test, be unapproved and rejected as a counterfeit]."

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

Rom:1:1 "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship."

1Cor.6: 19-20 "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."